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i like the big picture but hate the detail 
06:31pm 18/08/2006
mood: why?
ok, sunday night i was at my grandma's house and i was watching tv in a seperate room and then i go out side to the family room and sit with my sis on the couch. then she says "i'm telling mommy and daddy" i say ok and then walk back to the room i was in before and shortly after she comes in too. so we are all alone. so she sits down and is making jewelry and she says "i'm gonna tell them becuase you did it" i say ok. she says " aren't you even gonna apologize, say sorry, beg me not to tell them?" would it help? i say. she says "no" and i tell her ok. so she leaves with her jewerly cause its dinner time and follow her, i have to eat too, you know. i wasn't freaking out, i was just worried when she would tell them and i had to get my story together, maybe pull out a sympathy card or something. i don't know, i probably wouldn't but atleast i have my options. so then the night goes on and she says nothing of the sorts. and then my mother tells me that i am going with rena cause she wants to ride with my dad. i say fine and hop in my sister's car. then my sister waits awhile to tell me that she won't tell them as long as i don't do it anymore, like the many times i promised but broke, and that i had to talk to her once a week to tell her whats going on.
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I'm new! 
06:04pm 30/07/2006
mood: good
Hello I’m new to this community. I guess I joined it not only to talk with other people that understand, but also to stay strong. I have been a self-injurer for around three years now, but I am in recovery. Well was… I was in psychotherapy for a while until my mother made me stop going because she said the lady keep trying to make me take pills that I didn’t need not to mention telling her that I had all this different metal illnesses that I was never tested for in the first place. It made my mother mad so she took me out and I haven’t cut for around half a year and I would like to keep it that way. I guess I miss talking to someone.. That understands you know? Well anyways I guess I’m taking up a load of time. With that much said I’m out!

Much love Samantha <333

P.s : if anyone wants to talk, I’m here Sexi_Sami925@msn.com
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12:59pm 07/06/2006
mood: weird

Am I the only person who counts their cuts when thye get bored. So far there are 57. I'm not proud of that or anything and I'm not like, trying to set a record(although would definitely give me something to do)I was just wondering if anyone else did that or not.

And I'm pretty sure at least one person has already asked this question, but when was the first time you cut? I want to know for myself.

I was in the shower. I was a sad attempt, or maybe just a dull razor, but eventually it worked. Some boy I just met........sex was involved. I felt like the biggest whore on the planet. You know.

Yes, I have lots of questions. No, I'm not 12.

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01:42pm 05/06/2006
mood: curious
I don't know if these are horrible questions or just  stupid ones, but uhm....does anyone else clean their sharp object before they use it? Does it matter to you wether or not it's clean or by the time you even think about that are you already delirious from blood loss?

Also, does anyone else listen to a certain type of music when they cut? If so, what is it? I do it because I don't really like to hear the sound of me cutting. I don't cut with the light on either.
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09:17am 28/05/2006
  I was cleaning my closet and I found what I used to cut with. And I remember that I used that to cut with because it was the only thing that would cut my skin and make me bleed. It made me want to cut again. So I texted Louis. and he told me to throw it away in the outside trash. It was hard. But I did. now I have nothing to cut with since I can't find my exacto knife which doesnt cut me that well. I already screwed up this month. But from this month forward. I am going to try not to cut. It's really hard for me to stop. And everytime I try, I can't get past 3 months. Except for earlier this year, I got up to 5 months then screwed that up in february. So..Let's see if I can pass the five months and go longer. It made me feel wierd after I threw the compass(the thing you use to draw circles in math) away. it made me feel kind of empty. Louis said it was because it was a part of my lifestyle that I was getting rid of..but a bad part of my lifestyle and that I did the right thing. I guess he is right...I mean, I have been cutting since the 6th grade and since school is out, I am no offically a senior in highschool. I've been cutting for that long....
but ya..
it'll be really hard to stop. I don't know if I can do it. I can atleast try right??
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07:07pm 01/05/2006
mood: guilty
Hi...i am i8toast and i am a major head case.....i do it..si that is ...all the time and last night i went psycho and just went crazy with my protractor and now i feel so guilty. For once i wish my life was good enough....so now i have like thirty or so fresh ones on my arms and i just want them to go away....man life sux.
12:16am 18/02/2006
1350+ members. Self Injury/Suicide support community. Anyone can join.
If you SI, used to, think about it, know someone who does, etc; feel free to join.
It isn't pro or anti SI, it for support, and support you *will* get there or could give.

It's like a big family more than anything, with new people coming
everyday & sometimes people feeling recovered enough to leave.

It is a safe place to go and let things out, ask for help/advice
or anything of that sort; and it will continue to be safe too.

Remember to read the rules if you join, they're easy to follow but very important. :)
12:33am 01/01/2006
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11:37am 08/06/2005

is the real girls myspace.
i just asked her if she owned x___untouchable and she said no.
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hell on earth 
10:21pm 16/05/2005
mood: frustrated
hey its been a while since i last posted ne thing in here but here it goes i hate lyfe and most of the ppl in my lyfe. i really dont kno wat to i mean my mom's u cant talk to us about ne thing but @ the same time i kno if i tell her that i cut/scratch myself that she not goin to get it. it to the point that i jus wanna die and i dont kno how to stop this feelin inside of me. i have lost my 2nd best friend this year and well the bad part is that i still have 5 out of 6 classes with her and right now i dont even wanna she her. and well to tell the truth all i wanna do is cut or scratch or sum thing to take the pain a way or at least give me sum thing else to think a.b for a while and with these thought i kno that im not safe in my own body it jus sucks hell its to the point that i think that maybe i should tell my mom nad dad that im goin to lifestream not becuz i wanna or ne thing like that becuz i need the help to stop before i die. well i guess thats about it Alyson aka Zoi
06:57pm 05/05/2005
  Hello i'm jessie. I just joined. I'm 21 and live in east london. I don't remember what made me first starting self harming, I just remember it was december 2001. I usually cut but it doesn't hurt like it used to, so now I sometimes burn.  
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Flippin hott 
06:55pm 28/04/2005
mood: quixotic
Hmm...Welp I have no offical quit cutting..I have been clean for about 1 year now...I am proud..I use to think I was addicted to cutting.But I was only addicted to the thought of hurting myself more.I thought I needed it to be happy but I am actually happier now than I was then..I mean Im still not a freaking cookie case that thinks the world is her friend cause I still hurt but I dont depend on my razors, safety pins, etc. to get me through the day. Im not saying anyone should quit, cause I use to hate it when people told me I should quit, but concider it and try it..I only did it for my boyfriend and now I would have never began...but It made me stronger to relize that I can face hurt or tears not with a razor but with my voice..I g2g
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I LOVE my journal.... 
03:07pm 02/05/2005
mood: chipper
I love my journal its so sexxy everytime I look at it, it turns me on.... www.livejournal.com/users/desperate4death ... check it out and please comment.. thanks I love u all like bro. and sis.
hey every one 
11:01pm 10/04/2005
mood: bitchy
hey ya'll well its been a week or too since i posted n here and well my life gone to hell in that time. i started scartching again and well i hurt sum ppl that i really cared a/b and well it sucks big time and well i jjus dont kno wat to do now. becuz one of those ppl that i hurt wont even look me in the eyez now and well i jus feel so bad becuz its like i let every one down and well really they let me down by not see that i needed it and that i dont need them to hate me i need them to be there for me. but well im done feelin bad for myself and well for those ppl who are mad @ me becuz i sied and if they can see that i goin through sum thing that isnt about them fuck them!! much luv Zoi
06:49pm 05/04/2005
jus bleeding away the pain 
10:19pm 24/03/2005
mood: bouncy
you kno that high that u get after u si well that is wat im feeling right now!! well i scratched after me and my friend got in to a fight and he told me that i was jus annoying lil bitch. ans well it really hurt to becuz we were really close i mean we were like brother and sister and now we cant stand each other. it jus sad that ppl gotta be that way. *_* Zoi
well im sad 
08:39pm 23/03/2005
mood: sad
wow its been 2 or 3 weeks since me and Brent Broke up yet i still feel liek scratching every time i talk to him or hear his name. ~Zoi
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hey hey 
05:46pm 17/03/2005
mood: cold to the world
hey well ne who im Zoi and im 14 and well i have scratached off and on for half a year. well i really dont kno wat too ne more i tried to stop for good but sum thing alwayz happenes i dont kno why its jus does. well i guess that is it ~Zoi

oooo ne one who wants to talk or that has ne ? can im me e-mail me or jus leavea comment.
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10:50pm 10/03/2005
  please comment. i need friends :(
08:57pm 28/02/2005
  I've just rejoined - been a member here and other places, but left after I managed to quit cutting/burning/si'ing in general for the last year or so.

And now I'm back - I'm cutting again. On and off, and am resisting for as long as possible between cuts. Not really working...

Feels good to be back though.
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